mancodefandomcom-20200214-history
Transportation
Mans Intuition A man can and will drive at any chance he gets. Women are not to drive unless its their car, even then only once a month are you aloud to ride passenger to a woman (Like rollover minutes you can save them up for future use). A man can drive any vehicle no matter how sophisticated, without training (this includes harrier jets, 747s,and submarines) : Exception: Airbus Planes due to massive scale, and foreign design. Acceptable problems: *If your car is in the shop the woman may drive (if its her car) *Your ability to focus has been severely impeded by alcohol consumption *You intend on your ability to focus being severly impeded by alcohol consumption The basic Rules If two or more men share a vehicle the following order of progression is used to find who will drive if both are going to the same place. (calling it doesnt count) 1 Health (The most physically fit man will drive) 2 Commonality (the most frequent user will drive) 3 Girlfriend Bypass (In the event of a user picking up a girlfriend he is automatically given rights to drive the vehicle even if the other man beats the dating man in #s 1 and 2) Vehicles The following vehicles are the preference order as an OPERATOR, in terms of manliness: Extremely manly, in order: *Space ship, tank, jet fighter, military vehicle (other than tank), motorcycle, horse, airplane, helicopter, sailboat, motorboat, ATV, hot-air balloon, off-roader Somewhat manly, in order: *Train, semi truck, pickup truck, stick-shift car, bicycle, city bus Not manly, from best to worst: *automatic transmission car, golf cart, limo, cross-country bus, SUV motor home Unmanly, from bad to worse: *Segway, motorized chair, minivan, station wagon, Vespa, Hybrids (Note: even a hybrid from the manliest category, such as a tank, would be considered unmanly) Acceptable: *Students may drive automatic transmission, but by age 18 need to learn stick shift. *A man driving a minivan is one of two things Comfortable with his manhood, or driving children. (Occationally both) As a PASSENGER, the order of manliness is: *Space ship, military vehicle, motor boat, pickup truck, sailboat, golf cart, limo, train, standard transmission car, SUV, cross-country bus, motor home, minivan, city bus. Being a passenger in any of the other vehicles listed in the first section is unmanly. : An exception may occur for the minivan if it is the first car you ever owned, was gifted to you by family, and you are under the age of 30. At this point, you will be required to drive something that is either a diesel or has treads Driving Skills *No man shall drive slowly in the fast lane. "Slowly" is defined as less than 10 mph over the speed limit. *No man shall speed up when someone tries to pass; however if a man is following the previous rule this should not be a problem. *No man shall slow down after passing someone. *Driving skills are inherent on the Y chromosome. Failure to demonstrate said skills will result in forfeit of manhood. Your new nickname will be Princess. *No man should sit forward when operating a motor vehicle. Appropriate postures include the lazy one arm, the Tokyo-Drift double-stiff arm (when racing), and of course, the road head accommodation position. *A man must "peel out" whenever given opportunity. *When given the chance to drive between the man and his girlfriend the man should always drive *Hogging the middle lane will result in immediate loss of your man card. If you don't know how to use the road, better let someone else drive, Princess . Directions No man shall ask for directions. This standard is derived from women's stereotype of men. Men are to live down to women's expectations. Besides, women don't ask for directions either. Games Shotgun : To claim front passenger seat, a man shall be the first to announce "shotgun." The driver must be present, along with the majority of passengers. The caller must be outside of the location being left, with the car in view, and cannot go anywhere except to the car once Shotgun is called. If someone has touched the door handle, it is too late. The driver has the right to override shotgun without an explanation. *See Shotgun Slug Bug (Punch Buggy) : Slug Bug is a children's game. No man over the age of 16 shall participate. If you have your licence you arn't a kiddy anymore....well except you freaking sophmores. Also, if anyone in the car dares to play the "Volksvagen Game", it is encouraged to pull over and punish the purpatrator. Mechanic Skills The following skills are required in order for a man to be allowed to drive a motor vehicle, or else he must accept the name Princess. Diesel : A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone. Tires : A man MUST be able to change a tire without help. Oil : A man must know how to check the oil in his vehicle, for both quantity and quality. A man must also have personally changed the oil in at least one vehicle at one time in his life. It is acceptable if he did this with the help of other men as long as (1) he used at least one tool himself and (2) got oil on himself in the process. Air filter A man must either have personally changed the air filter on one car in his life, or else have denied permission to change the air filter to at least one Jiffy Lube employee, not withstanding the grease smudge the employee just put on the filter. Car Color No man should EVER drive a vehicle in any color that can't be found in nature or could be considered girly. I.E. *Pink *Turquoise *Orange *Sky-Blue Exceptions: *Sky-Blue muscle cars with white stripes are acceptable. *FAB 1 is the only acceptable pink car. Any car that can deploy a machine gun through the radiator grille is manly. *Orange Corvettes are acceptable so long as it has not been painted orange by the man. *Orange is also acceptable if the car is a 69 charger with a confederate flag on the roof and also has a name *Orange is also acceptable if the car is an Italian sports car that can reach over 200mph.